So I was sitting here today trying to figure out what to do after losing my job nearly a month ago. Not the best feeling when you have two young kids at home. If it were just me it's no big deal. I can go anywhere and create another income quickly. Being a single Mom on the other hand you have to have security for them and things become more complicated when they are young and a preschool/daycare/provider is required.
It seems to hard enough for two parents to support kids let alone a single parent. If you are fortunate enough in these times to have an income that sustains all your expenses including care costs then you are alright. This year has been the hardest of all for me. Last year I lost a job due to funding issues then my new position was temporary so that ended in February. Two months later I was able to get another position but unfortunately since 2006 my income dropped to a 50% loss with the economy and lower income bracket for the new area I was in.
Many people are unable to afford a good preschool and I am not unwilling to sacrifice my child's education whether or not he is of school age. My kids have always attended a preschool that provided structure, child development, and cleanliness. I was able to find a preschool education that was covered by my insurance. One of my children needed early development and I actively sought it out and found it. Even though I have had some small milestones the past few years I have been wrought with an ocean of challenges with an unrelenting massive waves pounding the shores of my life.
One of my strengths has been knowing that things will always turn around and get better. I have always believed that there is something greater and more intelligent then us who is overseeing our every move. Are we going to live up to our greatest strengths provided by the unknown? OK so I was taught that their is a God and have seen miracles with my own eyes. Of course we have a ton of books, film, TV, and news outlets claiming many different scenarios whether scientific or spiritual in nature about how life came about, who we are, that there's a God, aliens brought us here, this is a matrix we're in, or we are just here and why do you need explanation?
Well I have rambled my way through this journal type blog post and that can be annoying so let me get to the point of why I posted this crap. Someone close to me told me just last week that they did not believe that there is a God anymore. A long dialog followed as to why this was. The explanation was not as important as was the fact I felt some sort of disappointment inside as if my teacher just told me "I'd failed a math test and I should just give up because you have no sense of numbers and I can't teach you." When a peer or leader tells us something that goes against what they have been saying all along it rocks your world bit. Now I have always formed my own opinion so nothing anyone says can give me a final verdict. I have to be the one to research whatever I question and not by using wikipedia. It's funny how TV show writers will come up with ideas like "Supernatural" for instance where as the show goes on God seems to be less and less of a possibility and Angel Castiel has decided that God no longer exists. All the Angels were wiped out and so on.
Humans want to believe that there is a reprieve from life's storms and that God or the Universe provides reward to the faithful, signs to those who pay attention, love from above, and the list goes on. Oh yea there are those who believe that we create whatever world we live in and our attitude and thoughts mold the very life path you have.
As you ponder that I offer the last comment from the former believer to me just hours ago after I professed that in desperation I asked for a sign as to what to do and where to go just two months ago, a decision that was life changing. I thought the answer came just the next morning. I asked for a clear message so I went with it. I said to the former believer that I wish I had went with the other idea I had because now I feel stuck and things are continuing to get worse day by day. I feel I made the wrong decision. She replied with "Like I said and this is why I do not believe there is a God anymore, Laurie you have to make your own decisions."
The decision seemed logical to me. How was I to know I'd lose my job and possibly a second home in one year? To me the answer or so called sign I got seemed sound. God wanted me to stay in Vegas. Ha ha ha. I have yet to see any reason what so ever, but anyway if God is on vacation then don't forget to write or send a postcard.
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